


lead me to the place where no one ever goes

by proofinyou



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Rollisi, Romance, Sexual Content, They're In Love Your Honor, they both have a great time, this is canon-compliant if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 03:28:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29993193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/proofinyou/pseuds/proofinyou
Summary: A collection of "first times" for Amanda and Sonny that explore the different phases and overall progression of their relationship.
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr. & Amanda Rollins, Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Amanda Rollins
Comments: 17
Kudos: 48





	lead me to the place where no one ever goes

#### the first time he sees her

The first time he sees her, she’s leaning against the edge of the table in the break room at four-thirty in the morning, staring intently in the direction of the coffee machine as steaming liquid noisily pours into a disposable cup. Amanda’s arms are crossed against her chest, her eyes narrowed as she looks off into the distance and her mind elsewhere. Sonny hesitates at the doorway, not wanting to disrupt her moment of solitude for an awkward first introduction, but not wanting to stay creeping off to the side of her, either.

He crosses the room, finds himself between Amanda and her coffee, and passes off her cup so that he can start his own.

“Thanks,” she says, giving him a nod and a half-smile as she takes the drink and starts sipping on it. “Carisi, right? I thought you weren’t starting ‘til the end of the week.”

Sonny presses the BREW button and turns around to face her, tucking his hands in his front pockets. He tries not to think about how beautiful and commanding she is in-person, standing right there in front of him, on top of everything she appeared to be on paper.

“Yeah, yeah, I - I wasn’t meant to. They brought me in early.”

Amanda raises her eyebrows, glances down at her watch and then back at him. “I’d say.”

Sonny lets out a quiet laugh, extends an arm between them. “Nice to meet you, Rollins.”

Amanda’s eyes look him up and down - it’s measured, but quick enough that you could blink and miss it, and Sonny’s knees nearly go weak. He feels his face start to flush, despite his best intentions. She returns his gesture, shaking his hand with a calm confidence.

“See you out there, then.”

* * *

#### the first time he holds her

The first time he holds her, it’s ten minutes after she finds out about Esther Labott’s cause of death. When Amanda exits the Lieu’s office, Sonny is the only detective still in the squad room. From his desk, he watches her go through the motions; removing her badge, gathering her notebook and some scattered paperwork and a pen from atop her desk and placing it into the bag draped over her shoulder.

“Hey, Rollins, you know it’s not-” Sonny starts, and the second he opens his mouth, he knows he’s saying the wrong thing. She doesn’t let him finish.

“Don’t tell me it’s not my fault, Carisi. It’s one-hundred-and-ten percent my fault. I fucked up - I fucked up so badly - and Esther is dead because of that.”

Amanda drops her bag on the floor, buries her face with her hands and shakes her head back and forth. She looks so small, so helpless, in a way he has never seen her before. Sonny steps out of his chair and walks over to her, wrapping his arms around her in a sturdy hug. She melts into him and sobs into his chest. 

“I got you.”

* * *

#### the first time he knows she’s the one

The first time he knows she’s the one, it’s not long after Billie is born. He visits them one night when she’s still on maternity leave, cooks one of her favorite meals for dinner, and reads Jesse three books of her choosing while Amanda feeds the baby and puts her down, hopefully for the night.

After the bedtime routine is complete, both girls sound asleep, Amanda shuts their bedroom door and collapses onto the living room couch with a heavy sigh. Sonny follows suit, sitting down next to her and taking care to keep a reasonable distance.

He looks over at his best friend - his partner - as she leans her head against the back of the couch and lets her eyes drift shut for a minute. She’s exhausted, but she’s glowing. Motherhood has always suited Amanda, and this time around, she has carried herself through these first few weeks like it’s all second nature. Sonny would know - he’s had a front row seat to witnessing this version of her, vulnerable and tender and devoted to this new life she has brought into the world, all while helping Jesse adjust to her role as a big sister. 

When Amanda turns her head to face him, she’s donning a sleepy smile. After a beat, she reaches over to grasp Sonny’s hand, her chest rising and falling a bit faster and more visibly than it was before. He gives her hand a soft squeeze, a sort of reassurance, and he wonders if his heart is going to beat itself right out of his chest.

She closes her eyes again, and in the most profound of ways, he can’t imagine ever wanting anything but this.

* * *

#### the first time he kisses her

The first time he kisses her, they’re at a dive bar in Chelsea on a Friday night, God-only-knows how many drinks in and feeling it.

It’s a miracle Sonny’s even here with Amanda right now, after she dropped by his new office earlier to invite him out and he turned her down with a weak excuse about needing to work late. For a few very specific reasons, he had felt unsure that tonight should be the night for this, instinctively knowing it was leading that way.

Sonny’s head spun after seeing how Amanda dressed for him, how she flipped her hair and held his gaze for longer than a friend normally does, how she said his name - _“Dominick”_. When he texted her five minutes after she walked out, she was still in the lobby downstairs, waiting on a Lyft; still had a babysitter at home for a few more hours. No rain check needed.

They’re sitting together in a corner booth at this bar they’ve started frequenting, just the two of them, snacking on loaded nachos and sipping on bourbon, their many long-empty beer bottles taking up a quarter of the table space.

Amanda is belly-laughing at Sonny’s dad joke when she says _“you got something”_ and without reservation, uses her index finger to wipe away a bit of stray queso from his bottom lip. Her hand lingers until he takes the bait, closing his mouth over her finger to suck it clean.

She draws her hand back, but she’s still leaned in close enough that he can feel the warmth of her breath on his neck, her arm propped on the table as she loosely grips her drink. He dips his head and his lips meet hers - it’s chaste at first, but then her tongue darts inside his mouth, ever-swiftly.

When she pulls back, he half-expects her to gather up her coat and her purse and leave this behind. Instead, she smiles, and she stays.

“‘Bout damn time, counsellor.”

* * *

#### the first time he gets her off

The first time he gets her off, they’re fooling around at his apartment, this version of their relationship still new and thrilling and sometimes terrifying. They both get out of work early by happenstance, and instead of immediately relieving Sienna, they opt to take advantage of the rare opportunity of true alone time.

As Sonny locks his deadbolt, after they’re inside, he asks if she’s hungry or if she wants a beer. Amanda simply says “no” as she unzips and toes off her boots, then lifts up on her tiptoes and closes the distance between them, kissing him slowly with fervor. His hands rest against her ribs, both steadying her and bringing her in closer. When they pull apart, already breathless, his eyes stare into hers and he asks if she’s sure.

“Never been more sure, Dominick.” 

He kisses her forehead and she takes his hand, leading them toward his bedroom.

She shuts the door behind them out of habit, even though there’s no chance for interruption. He lifts her blouse over her head without hesitation and she starts unbuttoning his shirt as he’s kissing her neck, her jawline, her lips. He tugs at her pants, his hand slipping inside her waistband to tease her clit over her underwear, and she moans into his mouth.

They make their way to the bed not long after, continuing to undress along the way, more hastily as the seconds pass.

When she lies down on Sonny’s bed, he pauses bedside and studies her, taking in the moment. She leers at him, visibly enjoying this.

When he crawls over to her, he gently nudges her onto her back and drapes himself over her.

“You good?” Sonny asks, checking in.

“I’m good.” She responds, her head tilting a bit to the side as she lay against his pillow.

Amanda lifts her head then, and their mouths crash together again, her tongue finding his. Sonny is acutely aware of how good she feels pressed up against him, the both of them in their barest form. He begins to methodically place gentle kisses across her upper body, massaging and sucking on her breasts, paying close attention to what makes her squirm and gasp the most.

As he nears her center, he looks up to meet her gaze one more time and she nods, putting one hand in his hair and clutching the pillow with the other as he settles in between her legs. He takes his time with his mouth and his fingers, enjoying every noise - every guttural “fuck” - that escapes her along the way, as he discovers what feels good to her.

Her back arches and she says his name in a way she never has before, as her orgasm pulsates through all of her. She laughs faintly, once she starts to come down. When her breath catches up to her again, still not yet out of her post-coiltal haze, Amanda lazily props herself up on her elbows and says, “Sonny Carisi, you’ve been holding out on me.”

Still down at her waist, Sonny ducks his head at that, trying to hide what he’s sure is a goofy grin. She tugs at his arm, inviting him back up to eye level, insistent upon seeing him. As he lay next to her, his hand resting at her waist, she kisses him once more, and her hand starts to graze down his body.

“Your turn now.”

* * *

#### the first time forever feels real

The first time forever feels real, they’re at Fin and Phoebe’s wedding reception, slow-dancing underneath the fairy lights and both buzzed off more than the free drinks from the open bar, when Amanda whispers into Sonny’s ear that _maybe she wants all this, too, someday_.

As they sway to the song’s melody, it’s reminiscent of quieter moments at home, coffee table and toys pushed aside, moving in tandem around the tiny space their living room affords.

Amanda has one arm draped over Sonny’s shoulder, her fingers caressing the nape of his neck. Her other hand rests flat against his chest, the family ring he gave her on full display without intention. Sonny hugs her lower back, holding her close and steady. Their height difference is skewed by the heels she bought specifically for this day, that she never took the time to break in - something he’ll definitely hear about later. Jesse and Billie are nearby, twirling in their flower girl dresses and pretending to be ballerinas, like the ones they saw in The Nutcracker for Christmas.

“All this, huh?” Sonny whispers back in response to Amanda’s admission, brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face.

“Mhmm,” she murmurs, leaning in to kiss his cheek. 

Sonny thinks about the engagement ring he has stowed away in his dresser at their apartment, the home they now share. He thinks about how he’s wanted forever with her for a long time, but he’s been afraid to say it too soon - afraid to scare her off or pressure her into some idealized version of them that he’s dreamed up in his head, that doesn’t align with what she really wants. But now, here she is, saying it for the both of them.

“God, these shoes are fucking killing me,” she says, changing the subject out of nowhere. Sonny chuckles knowingly.

“What if I told you a pair of your sneakers are waiting for you in the coat room?”

“Don’t joke with me, Sonny. Are you serious?”

He smirks at her and Amanda’s mouth drops open.

“I love you, you know that?”

He nods. “I love you too, babe.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first attempt at writing any sort of mature content, so hopefully it came across okay.
> 
> I would love to hear which "first time" resonated with you the most. Also, the title is from [Beige](https://open.spotify.com/track/0FfZudphGgQTGeEV6AhmOs?si=8jMgu3O5RZmCIow_2gpvWA) by Yoke Lore, which will really tug at your feelings if you listen to it and think of them.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


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